My reading selections have been a bit depressing lately. Honestly, they’ve been downright infuriating. You may not recognize the name of the author of this memoir, but you certainly know of her. We only knew her as Emily Doe in the rape trial that shook the nation back in 2015, a trial in which the sentence would anger millions and result in the subsequent recall of the Judge. Despite her victim impact statement going viral, her rapist was treated with compassion at the loss of his “potential.” She was seen as merely a body. This memoir is her way of reclaiming her story from those who would paint her as something she is not. For the purpose of this review, I’ll just refer to her attacker as what he is. I won’t say his name. You know who he is.

Let me tell you what is so powerful about this book. 1 in 6 women in America has been the victim of sexual assault. Rarely are these ever reported, much less prosecuted. Most women feel like the hell they will go through to see justice served is not worth it. This book illustrates exactly, in excruciating detail, why this is the case. In the case of Emily Doe, she’s given anonymity in order to protect her, but that’s of little use to her. She still has to sit in silence and endure the vile, ignorant statements demeaning her character and her choices. She has to tolerate each and every one of the “She should haves…” without even being afforded the opportunity to defend herself. And that’s just the Court of public opinion. What awaits her in the courtroom is almost worse, as it’s all directly said with her in the room, often to her face.

While she’s referred to only as the unconscious intoxicated female, her rapist is described in the same reports as a star athlete, a young man with a bright future, and a good all-American boy. He just had a little too much to drink and made a bad choice. That’s all. Never mind that Chanel, also, has a bright and promising future. Never mind that she’s a talented writer with a quick wit and a host of accomplishments to her name. She had way too much to drink and made a bad choice. How dare she? Men are given the excuse, and women are given the reprimand. It’s an age-old story that’s getting really fucking old.

By Chanel taking control of the narrative, she gives voice to so many women who have been scared into silence. She bore the weight of all the humiliation, insult, and vitriol to say that it’s finally enough. She truly bares her soul in this, examining the difficulties she encountered after the attack. While her rapist’s future as a star athlete was in question because of HIS OWN actions, her entire life was spiraling out of control because of someone else’s. She was overcome by fear, confusion, inability to connect intimately with a loving partner, anger and a host of other emotions that no one else could understand. She developed a short fuse and would snap at loved ones for the simplest of things. She was becoming untethered. How many women become completely untethered and can’t find their way back like Chanel did?

Her memoir is a catharsis. We follow her as she takes the events that could have destroyed her and turns them into something that sparks the healing process. It’s not just for her but for so many other women who’ve been drowning alone in a secret shame not even of their own making. I saw some reviewers saying, “yeah, it’s good but it’s a little long.” Fair enough. It is a long book. I think Chanel earned her place on the podium and we should listen as long as she needs to speak. She was silent for long enough. I didn’t feel it was repetitive. It was comprehensive, as there was a lot of emotional and psychological ground to cover.

There is one thing I need to address, and it’s Judge Persky. This man sentenced the rapist to a whopping 6 months for the three felony counts to which he was convicted by the jury. This sentence enraged citizens who saw this sentence as compassionate to the defendant but not to the victim. There are some Persky supporters who argue that the sentence was within the guidelines of the law. It’s true that the sentence was within the legal guidelines, but I’d hazard a guess that Persky would have handed down a much harsher sentence to a young black man from a poor family who committed the exact same crime under the exact same circumstances. He wouldn’t have looked for the excuse that the sentence was permitted under sentencing guidelines. Rather, he’d want to make an example of the young man. Instead of making an example for other rich white college boys, Persky sent the message that they can keep getting away with rape as long as alcohol was a factor. There are people serving years from simple drug charges who watched the rapist come and go from that jail in 3 months, only half the original sentence. That, my friends, is unacceptable. The voters, rightfully, made an example of Persky.

I wholeheartedly applaud Chanel Miller’s bravery and sheer audacity to strike back. The world tried to make this a story about someone else, a nameless and faceless body who deserved what she got simply for being a young carefree woman. She is immortal between the pages. She is a powerhouse. She is a badass. And her rapist has slithered under a rock where he belongs.

First published September 24, 2019 by Penguin Audio. ISBN 9780593172186. Runtime 15 hrs, 25 mins. Narrated by the Author.